Smarter Goals. Sharper Mind. Fewer Excuses

I used to think failure was binary. You either win or you mess up. This is certainly how I remember secondary school. You either passed the test, or you failed. Failure was not linked to a positive outcome and it only held powerful negative connotations; you were limited in progress or now had a blocker to future progress full stop. Score well, do well. Score badly, fail and have limited options.

But as I have matured, experienced more of life and increased both my wins and losses respectively, on reflection, I realised recently that some failures do indeed set you back… but some failures move you forward.

I think the trick isn’t in avoiding failure. In taking this approach, I think this can be extremely negative and limiting. It’s about choosing the right kind of failure.

The Myth of “Failing Fast”

You must have heard and read this phrase hundreds if not thousands of times. The internet seems to love the phrase “fail fast”. Founders tweet it. Productivity gurus chant it. It sounds bold, cleaver and encouraging… until you realise that hardly any actually go into detail around what type of failure they mean. There is a reality here. Random, reckless failure does not teach you much, if anything. Strategic failure on the other hand, when paired with periods of reflection, can help you to build systems and resilience.

So I guess where I am landing on this is that failing for the sake of failing is not progress. Failing with intention is.

Two Types of Failure

Passive Failure. The Draining Kind. This is when nothing changes because nothing is learned. Missing deadlines repeatedly would fall into this category. As would failing an exam simply due to not studying at all and then maintaining that system to complete all of your exams. I would also put overcommitting, then burning out into this category. Casey Neistat has a great video about this and his own admission of balance swings in his creative process between progress and burnout. Highly resonated with me and if you are still reading and are in the slightest feeling some resonance, I think it would be worth a watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpqFOB7_9go Ever bought a new productivity app, then failed to use it consistently after a week or two? That gets included here too.

Passive failure is exhausting. It compounds guilt.

Active Failure. This is where the gold is. Active failure happens when you attempt something meaningful, fall short, and then still take the lessons forward.

Submitting that proposal and it not getting approved – but you got insights and recommendations on how to improve the next one. Launching a side project that flopped but understanding the process and discovering the audience. Training for a race, missing your target time, but improving your baseline fitness.

There is some magic in active failure. It moves you closer to clarity and you find out if you really want something, especially when your outcome is not what you wanted.

Failure isn’t the opposite of success. It the process of it.

I am not a big fan of fancy acronyms, but F.A.I.L is my favourite one.

First. Attempt. In. Learning

I really live this and have a lot of examples to lean on, some of which I will share below. I now wonder though, why it took me so longer to understand that failure can be so empowering.

Around turning 30, i decided to do something once a year that scared me. Something I was thinking I wanted to do, but didn’t know if I could. Stretching targets, new hobbies, telling others of my goals and genuinely feeling vulnerable.

One of my first attempts at this was starting Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I had watched UFC for around 10 years and seen it’s meteoric rise in popularity. I had very limited experience in boxing and never really found a love for striking. But I was envious of the competition. Individual sports always have drawn me more than team sports. I loved that no matter the background, the canvas respected no one or nothing other than effort.

So I googled BJJ gym thinking Manchester would be my likely only option. I can say after 6 years or so, I was so lucky to have an amazing Dojo very close to my work. A father and son team who are genuinely some of the nicest people I have met and also happen to be very talented and motivated. This, I did not know of on day one of course.

I put on my shorts and t shirt, trainers and off I went to my first class. I still remember feeling sick walking up the stairs having no idea what I was doing there. But I do remember knowing I wanted to try and tick something off my ‘scared to do list’.

There was many times leaving the Dojo where I have questioned what the fuck I am actually doing. I have left without tying my shoes to run out of the building to be sick from exhaustion in the hope of no one in the Dojo seeing me. I have been arm barred by a girl, smaller than me. I have been sick in the toilet, bust my nose and lip, been judo thrown in the air with my hips higher than my knees many times and suffered a grade 2 tear of my MCL in my left knee. My parents, wife and friends all assumed I would quit. To their shock, and partly mine, I try to train once a week and obtained my blue belt; one of my proudest accomplishments.

I often wonder if I would have survived that initial year or so of constant batterings from everyone had I started when I was younger. I doubt very much that I would have. My eyes are firmly fixed on working towards my purple belt and only recently have I dared to dream that it is a possibility.

A similar story arose when my ‘scared to do’ item was identified as the Manchester Half Marathon. I am told I have the perfect build for a runner, but I do not have a great cardiovascular system. I was certainly not awarded any athletic gifts.

I was determined to complete the race as goal one and under two hours as goal two. After a lack of preparation, I completed the race is 2 hours 22 minutes. I could easily have taken that as a failure due to my time goal. Again, had I been younger in my older mindset, I was have packed in and confirmed to myself that I was not a runner. However, I re-entered the year later and after some better preparation, I crossed the line in 1 hour 57 minutes. Next year’s ‘scared to do list’ in the full Manchester marathon, which is actually on my birthday.

8 Years ago I wouldn’t have signed up to a half marathon or walked into a BJJ gym. So a not unreasonable question arises; how did I get here?

How to Fail Well (Without Falling Apart)

Trying anything new comes with a guarantee; you are going to fail at some point, therefore all you have to do is acknowledge this and make it useful. I think there are numerous reasons why I have managed to keep progressing with goals and interests despite the lack of early success. In each area I have set an intentional target. In BJJ it was as simple as go back next Wednesday, in the case of the half marathon it was the sub two hour goal. In having these goals, if you miss, at least you know why.

We all have down moments after failure; I am not different. But this is so powerful and allows you to reflect on if what you are working towards is actually what you want.

It is important to not sit in a looping of guilt and potentially shame. Do a short reflection.

What worked? Well I managed to finish the race so I now know that I can complete the distance.

What didn’t? I could not hold my pace for the last 3 miles. Well I never trained for that long and on reflection more long runs in my training block would have helped my raise my base fitness for sure.

What will I try differently next time? I will not wear brand new trainers. I will eat some breakfast and carbohydrates. I will concentrate on more longer runs in my training block.

All of the above I implemented on my second half marathon. Collectively I had the confidence to push through the ending and attain my goal.

I adjusted the system, not the goal. Tweak how you work, not just what you want. If you keep missing deadlines, the problem. is not likely motivation, it’s your process.

The Power of Compounding Lessons

Without taking the time to reflect and extract your insights, failure can be very expensive. I find when I stack small, active failures over time, they have always compounded into progress.

When I started bench pressing with a personal trainer last year, my starting weight was 10kg either side on the smith machine. I am now holding off 30kg regularly and have done some decentric control reps at 40kg.

Micro tears have caused this progression. Countless days of soreness. But required for growth.

The key for my progress has been to recover, adapt and come back stronger.

Final Thought

You are going to fail. Me too. Probably again this week. Do not shy away from this. We are not broken, it makes us in progress.

My goal is never to avoid failure – I now actively seek it.

My intention is now to curate the right kind of failure, the kind that is going to move me forward instead of holding me back.

Fall Forward. Learn Faster. Move Smarter.

Here’s to our failure. And the progress it brings.

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